Still Dreaming

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. And dreaming. More of the same-old, but I thought I'd blog about it anyway.  I'm officially going to be starting my senior year here at MIT in only a few weeks, and although in the short term that means thinking about my thesis, getting excited about dance, and having a last hurrah with my friends, in the long term it means something a bit scarier (hard to imagine something scarier than a thesis though haha).  It means really taking a look at myself and figuring out what I want to do with the next chapter of my life (I was about to say the rest of my life, but that sounded a little too dramatic).  Yes, it's time for the job hunt.  Or is it? I think I'd really enjoy working at some sort of design firm, but at the same time, I'm hungry for more.  Not more money (because lets be honest, I probably won't be making much no matter what), but more fulfillment. I want to see the world, and I want to put it in sketchbooks and on canvases.  I don't know if I even have close to the amount of talent needed for that, but when I start to think that way, I want to kick myself. What an easy way out! Am I a coward? Maybe. Actually, probably. Where is that passion for art that I used to have? At the back of my brain constantly poking me but afraid to come back out.  When my parents are paying for me to attend college at a top tier tech school, it seems like such a slap to their face for me to want to run around with some pencils and paintbrushes. So naive. You'd think that after so many years, I would have grown up. Maybe sparked a real deep-seated interest in something more...progressive. Modern design, 3D animation and CGI (which admittedly I am pretty interested in), theory and criticism. But I'm still the 9-year-old Sonya doodling and dreaming of becoming an artist. Though if I want to make that a reality, I really need to get my shit together. I won't know if it's possible or not until I dive in head-first. Okay, so yeah, I suppose it is scarier than a thesis after all.