Sunday, October 17, 2010

Confused :/

Today was idk.

I finally took the PSATs (thank god) and i don't think i did as well as i would've liked, but oh well.
We had a football game which was average. Then a performance that was average. Then we packed up and went to the competition. and guess what? that was average too. We got back home at around 7:30 and that's when things stopped feeling average.

I had been on auto-pilot all day and i think i was finally snapping back to reality.  oh, and now for a momentary digression to clarify my story.

So near the end of summer i had a problem/fight/thing with one of my really close friends, and we kind of stopped being friends.  I would say more, buuuut no. :D

Okay here's the actual story: I wanted to make things right again so i asked him to go to the diner with our other friend.  He said yes (which kind of surprised me) and i felt like it was going to be awkward but worth it. But what does he do? He brings along two other guys without even asking me or my other friend.  Two guys that i'm hardly friends with. Don't get me wrong, i think they're funny and nice and all, it's just...wrong to do something like that.  I don't understand why he would do something so rude.  Was he scared of having to talk to me?  I don't know.  On the outside i tried to look like i was having fun and i talked and laughed and stuff, but on the inside i was so confused.  I guess i just assumed he also wanted to be friends again.  The thing is, even though he doesn't talk to me, i feel like he's listening whenever i say something, even if loads of other people are talking.  It's like he gets me.  But at the same time he totally doesn't.  Bringing those people to the diner in the first place is an example right there.  I don't know anymore, but i wish things could just go back to normal.

Okay obviously there is a trend in my blogs.  They're all filled with my worries and anger and "negative energy".  Why can't i just write happy stuff?  Maybe i just don't have enough to say on those subjects. ACTUALLY. Something that did make me happy is that my art teacher ended up really liking my bass drum drawing !  He didn't have anything bad to say about it, and told me it was beautiful three times. Ego boost? i think yes.

Recently i've been watching the japanese drama "One Litre of Tears".  It's based on a true story of a girl who is diagnosed with an incurable disease but is able to live her life to the fullest, despite many obstacles.  In a way, she's my hero.  She made me realize that i need to cherish my friends and everything that i have.  I'm really lucky to be living the life i have but i still selfishly complain about all of these things that are going so "wrong" in my life.  So then i feel ashamed, ultimately adding more to my piles of worry. :\

This day has been way too long.  I need to go sleep and just forget about everything.

Good night !


  1. your drum was awesome! I love your artwork. Don't fret that guy's just super inconsiderate.
    Dramas are realistic but at the same time not. Don't worry about complaining because everyone does. If we didn't we'd all be mindless robots that are perfect asian kids, which would be creepy in my opinion.

  2. ahhhh so dramatic! I hope this thing with your guy frien gets cleared up later, I think maybe both of you misunderstood each other??
    Also I watched 1 Litre of Tears.... I did not cry LOL


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