Floating Boats and Floating Thoughts

Hmm, you might be wondering why I'm posting again, only 24 hours after my last post. Today was kind of weird for me emotionally, so I thought I'd take some time and blog about it while waiting for the sun to rise (but really, I hope I'll be asleep before that happens).  After classes ended, I took a 4 hour nap sleep and then went jogging with Eunice since it was such a beautiful day out.  I think practically all of Cambridge agreed, since the streets were packed with joggers and bikers, and the Charles was filled with boats!  We sat on the dock for a bit and somehow ended up learning how to play hackysack from this awesome black dude with dreadlocks. 

Today I also found out that the guy I liked from last year recently got a girlfriend. At first I was only slightly surprised.  But after a while I felt really weird about it. He was the one who told me that he didn't want a relationship since he wasn't completely over his last girlfriend, and that he needed time to think about us.  Seeing him in a relationship makes me sad - not because I wish it were me in her place, but because it makes me doubt myself.  It makes me wonder why he was so unsure about me. It makes me think back on my past and how I always turned people down or backed out of relationships before they could start. I kept a distance because I was scared to take that first step and afraid of getting hurt or ruining a friendship.  I took a chance on our friendship last year, granted I fucked it up pretty badly and got hurt in the process, but somehow am proud of myself for going through with it.  A friend drunk texted me recently telling me to "regret the things you've done, not the things you haven't" and I think he really has a point there.  Strangely enough, I'm also happy for him.  I'm happy that he was able to settle into a relationship after being disillusioned by his last two, and at the same time I'm also jealous of him.  Today I started reading 40 Days of Dating, an experiment between two friends - one who is always looking for a serious relationship, and one who is scared of commitment. At one point, it said "When you meet the right person, it all just clicks. Everything feels easy, and you just "know"" If that's what he's experiencing right now, then yes I admit I'm quite jealous. But who knows, maybe it'll happen to me too one of these days :)

Talking over pizza at 4am is always a solution ♥